I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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