How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
