yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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