two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
