She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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