using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
