this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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