It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
