I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
