She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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