I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
