I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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