this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
