Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
