im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
