Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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