she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
