Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
