The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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