Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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