She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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