it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize