Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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