So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
