Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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