the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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