ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
