We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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