i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Still dying that you shit outside
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
