What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
