Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
