I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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