I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize