just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
