the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
