I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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