I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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