I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
