are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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