and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
