Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize