Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
