Where did you get a picture of my penis
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You pole danced in your parka.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
