420 ftw
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
home. puking in laundry basket.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
