The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
