I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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