if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
