The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
