i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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