I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
