i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
