it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
