There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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