Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
