I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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