I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
