Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
