i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
