she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
