I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
