Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
