Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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