I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
