I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
