he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
