being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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