So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
