I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
