i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
