She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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