so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
