i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize