I met the friendliest cop last night
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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