someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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