they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
