His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
