If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Please, let me fuck your mom
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
