I puked a lego.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
