How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
