my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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