and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
