So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
