Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
