If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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