I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
