WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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