I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
