guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
