got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
