I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
