she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
