I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
