my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I wear drunk well.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
