After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
