Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
