I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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