Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
