you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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