This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
