fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize