remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We are all done wearing pants today
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
