He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I understand Curling. That high.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
