I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
