...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
either way he was missing a nipple.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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