I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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