this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
