She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
