I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
