Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
