just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
