last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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